Have you ever left a conversation feeling confused, questioning your memory or wondering if you’re overreacting? These experiences can sometimes be linked to gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation that causes a person to doubt their own memories, perceptions and feelings.
Gaslighting is often discussed in romantic relationships, but it can also happen in families, friendships and workplaces.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a pattern of behaviour in which someone undermines another person’s trust in their own perception or memory. It may involve repeatedly denying what happened, distorting events or dismissing concerns.
It’s important to distinguish gaslighting from an ordinary disagreement. People can genuinely remember events differently, and someone can be defensive without deliberately trying to manipulate you. Gaslighting is more concerning when it is a repeated pattern that erodes your confidence in your own judgement.
Signs of Gaslighting
No single behaviour proves someone is gaslighting you. The overall pattern and its impact on you matter most. Common signs include:
- Frequently questioning your memory after conversations
- Apologising often without knowing what you did wrong
- Feeling that your concerns are consistently dismissed
- Doubting whether your feelings are reasonable
- Relying increasingly on another person’s version of events
- Avoiding difficult conversations because you expect to be blamed
- Growing anxiety, self-doubt or withdrawal from others
These experiences can have many causes, but if they keep arising in one relationship, it’s worth looking more closely.
Examples of Gaslighting
Gaslighting can be subtle and doesn’t always involve an obvious lie. Phrases that may form part of a pattern include:
- “That never happened.”
- “You’re remembering it wrong.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You’re imagining things.”
The words alone don’t prove anything. What matters is whether they are used repeatedly to dismiss your experience and make you doubt yourself.
Gaslighting in Relationships
In a romantic relationship, gaslighting often develops gradually. You raise a concern, and instead of discussing it, your partner insists you imagined it or are overreacting. Over time you may think, “Maybe it really is my fault,” and stop raising concerns altogether.
Because the relationship may also include warmth and affection, this slow loss of confidence can be hard to recognise.
Is Gaslighting Emotional Abuse?
Gaslighting can be a form of emotional or psychological abuse, particularly when it is part of an ongoing pattern of control or manipulation. Not every conflict or difference in memory is abuse, but if you feel frightened, controlled, isolated or unable to express yourself safely, it’s important to seek support.
How Gaslighting Can Affect Mental Health
When your perceptions are repeatedly challenged, you may begin to trust yourself less. Over time, this can contribute to:
- Anxiety and persistent worry
- Low self-esteem, guilt and shame
- Difficulty making decisions
- Emotional exhaustion
- Social isolation
The effects vary depending on the relationship, how long it lasted and the support available.
How to Respond to Gaslighting
There’s no single right response, and your safety always comes first.
- Notice the pattern. Consider what happens over time, not just one conversation.
- Keep a private record. Writing down events and how you felt can help you trust your own recollection. Only do this if it’s safe.
- Talk to someone you trust. A friend, family member or professional can offer perspective.
- Set boundaries where it’s safe. For example: “I understand we remember this differently, but I’d like us to discuss it without dismissing each other.”
- Seek professional support. A psychologist can help you make sense of what you’re experiencing and rebuild your confidence.
Not Sure If It’s Gaslighting?
You don’t need a label to take your experience seriously. A more helpful question is: “What is this relationship doing to my wellbeing?” If you consistently feel confused, anxious or unable to trust yourself, it’s worth reaching out for support.
Can Therapy Help After Gaslighting?
Yes. Psychological therapy offers a safe, non-judgemental space to understand the impact of a difficult relationship. It can help you rebuild self-trust, recognise unhealthy patterns, strengthen boundaries and manage anxiety. You don’t have to make any decision about your relationship to start. We draw on evidence-based approaches including Gottman method couple therapy, CBT, schema therapy, ACT and EMDR, tailored to your needs and goals.
Final Thoughts
Gaslighting can be hard to recognise, particularly when it develops gradually. Remember that not every disagreement is gaslighting. What matters is the pattern and its impact on you. You deserve to have your concerns taken seriously.
If you’d like help making sense of a difficult relationship, Prime Path Psychology provides psychological therapy for adults, couples and families Face-to-face appointments in Adelaide, with telehealth available Australia-wide. Book an appointment or explore our pages on relationship counselling, anxiety therapy and trauma therapy.
- Darke, L., Paterson, H., & van Golde, C. (2025). Illuminating gaslighting: A comprehensive interdisciplinary review of gaslighting literature. Journal of Family Violence. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-025-00805-4
- Mento, C., Lombardo, C., Whithorn, N., et al. (2023). Psychological violence and manipulative behavior in couple: A focus on personality traits. Journal of Mind and Medical Sciences, 10(2), 172-177. https://doi.org/10.22543/2392-7674.1399